Happy Trans Day of Visibility! (TDoV), For this article, I wanted to take a twist on my normal formula and instead reach out and ask others about what gender means to them. Everything taken is entirely anonymous, and as per usual please do not seek to expose personal information of others if you recognize someone's writing style or views on gender. I write on tough topics and for once I wanted to take a moment to just appreciate and acknowledge some viewpoints on existing as a trans person.
One year ago I began this writing series, March 17th, 2023 to be exact. Since then I’ve spent extensive periods looking back at my experiences, and the influences they’ve had on me. I’ve had my articles used for a class (which was beyond flattering), I’ve been told the personal impact my writing has had, I’ve had people tell me that my writing made them cry (which in turn made me cry, I’m sappy!). My goal with this series was to touch at least one person with my writing. I constantly mention though that my experiences are just that- mine. I can’t tell you how others feel, just how I feel. So I wanted to ask others what transness meant to them. The labels, the euphoria, affirmation, and more.
Let’s start with the big one: the concept of gender itself. Gender can be seen as thousands of different things. For some, gender can be seen as a way to be accepted within a role, a set of things you’re meant to do in life. Plenty of people take pride in being a housewife and see being a woman as raising children and providing a home. For others, it may be the way you love. For many, gender can be inherently tied to sexuality. I’ve met plenty of people who’d tie in their gender with predominantly their existence as a butch lesbian, and thus their gender was in a way an act of compassion toward others. All of these outward expressions are juxtaposed by perceptions that gender is seen internally. The concept that gender is your experiences, your memories, your story; the nature of how a person feels about themselves versus the nurture of the world around them. For some, gender means nothing to them. The world has thrust it upon some so harshly that the best solution for some is to remove it entirely.
Either way, there’s a need to affirm yourself somehow. There’s the obvious and simple one of pronouns that we’ve hammered in at this point. For some people, that’s all they need. Shapewear was another common response, a personal favorite of mine. Shaping yourself with clothing in a way that gives you the exact sense of presentation that you want. There’s also the sense of fluidity being affirming, changing your appearance and style on a day-by-day basis. And of course, hormones do wonders for those who need it.
My favorite note through all of the responses about affirmation though was the clear sense of comfort in even talking about it. No matter how someone responded in regards to what they view gender as their response for affirming actions was always written with a sense of joy and ease. Overall, affirmation is best seen as empowerment.
So, being trans is the umbrella we all fit under in some way or another. Maybe you identify with the term agender, nonbinary, or gender non-conforming. Maybe transsexual rolls off the tongue for you. Or you may just hate labels entirely. More than anything what I’ve learned during my three years of being out is the only importance in a label is how it affirms you personally. That’s what transitioning is to me, affirming yourself through self-discovery to present & grow into an identity that fits yourself. Gender isn’t biological, but a performance, an act. And some of us love to put on a show even if it’s just for ourselves.
I asked people to give advice for those who may be questioning & experimenting, and here are a few snippets from that.
“Explore whatever you’re questioning and be very open with yourself! You are the only one who truly knows what makes you happy, and don’t feel pressure to label your gender if you don’t want to.”
“You don't owe anybody a definite confirmation of your gender identity before you've completely figured it out. The people who are not patient with you while you learn about yourself are not worth your time.”
“Try not to pay too much mind to how other people see you. Being overly concerned with 'passing' can really eat away at you after a while. If you feel like you're too fat, too skinny, too tall, etc, don't let that stop you from living your life authentically. Dress, talk, and act in a way that makes you feel happy and comfortable.”
“There are no rules. You don’t have to feel any certain way or follow any specific path. Play around, try things out. Being human is so fluid, you don’t have to answer to anyone except your own truest self”
“Something I've learned thus far is to just be gentle with myself. This is a process that doesn't have any quantifiable answers or solutions. It's all feelings, and feelings change often. It'll be frustrating, to say the least, but trust your gut and do what makes you feel like you belong in your skin.”
“Don't stop. Please for the love of god don't stop."
And finally, a message from myself:
“There is no right or wrong way to experience your life as long as it means being truthfully yourself. To those who may not be in spaces to be comfortably out, I wish for the day that you are. For those struggling to get comfortable, trust the process; you’ll find what it really means to be you with time.”